Sanvers: Goodbye to you
by Albedo666
Summary: In one moment strong emotional surge of disbelief, in another moment it teeters and crumbles from within. Two strong individuals, together inseparable...however apart...on their own. For Alex and Maggie the two were grand and loving...but...deep down something has come between them. And in this fic...it all unravels in the end. Sad Sanvers.


**Authors note:** So this is a bit of spoiler like for those who have not caught up on Supergirl. Suffice to say the end of an era is before us and while it is sad it also shows how the show manages to deal with relationships and when one ends another begins. Alex has been holding back on Maggie going along with her when the matter came to kids. The last episode was painful to watch and this is very much my own interpretation of what is to come. I have been onboard Sanvers for a quite a bit, wrote two fanfics too. This is going to be painful to write as it will be to see. Again they could maybe go another way, so, for those who ship Sanvers really hard I won't be holding back any punches. For a person who ships there also comes that same person who works on this. Note I am not anti-Sanvers or anything by writing this…but…I am also not closing my eyes or faking that these two may come out on top. I want to air my feelings out in this fanfic…so…try and keep the flames and attacks at bay. The Arroweverse as far has dealt many blows but have handled it to the best of their ability. If you are still here…here we go. Also this will be a lengthy fanfic and for those familiar with my work buckle down, there is a chapter title but I don't see this going past this.

Sanvers: Goodbye to you

Ch.1: Embracing the inevitable

Alex Danvers was wracked with guilt over telling her fiancé that she was willing and able to do without kids. She understood where Maggie came from not wanting kids but at the same time she wanted them herself…really badly. Truth was she had always dreamt of having a family of her own one day…and…being with the one she loved. When she was younger she would talk to Kara in confidence…when the two got along, and she told her that she planned on having a big wedding and a big family as well.

Kara shared her dream as she too wished for a family of her own…to replace the one she had lost on Krypton. Kara had dealt with a lot in her time coming to Earth including falling in love with Mon-El and having him taken away by a decision she made. Kara was still living with those choices and after the initial fallout it took a while just for her to be back to being her. Alex had helped her through it…to the best of her ability, however it wasn't easy.

How do you mend a broken heart? Alex really had no idea. She hadn't much luck when it came to relationships before Maggie…in fact…she was the first person she ever really confided in and gave her heart to. Maggie was beautiful and smart and such a badass…everything one would think they wanted in a girlfriend. Maggie dealt with a family that had kicked her out and managed for the most part on her own. Again she can kind of understand why Maggie didn't want kids.

This world was cruel and unforgiving at times and the homophobia ran rampant through the streets and the schools. Kids could be so cruel…but…it was the adults that made a finer mess of things isolating and alienating those they thought had any feeling for the same sex. Death, mutilation, horrors of which gave her chills; but, at the same time she knew if she had a family she would do her best to educate them on this and tell them not to give up on humanity.

True the world was cruel and vicious but there was also kindness and acceptance to be had if one found the right group of people. Alex felt in her heart that if she had a daughter she would be in her corner and accept her no matter what choice she made in life. Gay or not it would be her choice…if it were a boy same thing. She wanted to hold a baby in her arms…she wanted to sing lullabies to them or sit by their bed if they had nightmares. Her life was so full and she had so much love to give and that child no matter the gender would never feel so secure then with her.

Alex had delayed talking to Maggie as she wasn't quite sure how to approach this. After her talk with Kara the two of them had parted but Kara had offered her the same shelter she had when Mon-El had to leave. Alex loved Kara and maybe after all of this she might have a girls night out with her…but…she would need time to accept what was happening.

"Hey babe…um…I was wondering if you could meet me back at our place…there is something I need to discuss with you. Huh…no nothing is happening at the D.E.O. right now so I'm here…yes; I realize you are at work and all." Alex held herself feeling like they were already distant somehow. It must be in her head how Maggie was behaving.

They talked a bit more before she hung up and busied herself around the apartment. It felt like the walls were closing in on her and she managed to find the bed as she sunk down crying. It felt like a part of her was breaking apart and no matter how hard she tried she could not stop the tears. She had worn her long grey sleeved shirt over sweats as she wasn't going out today. So many memories had been shared here and all those plans…a wedding to be, and yet…here she was considering ending it all.

However she knew she had to try one last time to try and reach her. Maggie was worth fighting for; their future was worth fighting for. This was the hardest thing she ever had to do and as the hours ticked by she tidied up the place and texted Kara. Kara told her she was there if she needed her but she told her she would be fine. Getting up she throws off her clothes as she takes a shower.

Standing in there she places her hands out in front of her and pushes against the tiled wall as she lets the water run down in beads along her back. The tears had eased off some but her chest heaved and her heart sank. The sorrow just washed over her and she finally can't hold herself up any longer and curls up in a ball as the hurt just won't leave. Was she really going to go through with this? It felt like she was tearing out the better part of herself…and…what happened to her after? Looking over at the wall she finally finishes up her shower and dresses not really feeling ready, but, also not backing down as she goes to fix herself something to eat.

* * *

Maggie would arrive at evening and Alex waited for her as she sat with a glass of wine in her glass. Looking over at the door she finds her voice caught in her throat as Maggie beams a smile at her and she wishes she could just ignore these feelings and be her bride…be all she can, and yet, she also knows if she does so she will only deny a future of happiness.

"Hey, sorry I'm a little late…busy day. Did you eat already?" Maggie walks over and kisses her on the lips and Alex struggles to keep from pulling away.

"Yeah, I-I made you some chicken, it is in the fridge." Alex watches her move to the fridge and she takes a breath.

"So…you said you had something important to discuss? Wedding is fast approaching and we still have a lot to do. My father made it clear he was not coming and my mother…well she made it quite clear her intention by not coming to visit. I am fine though because I have you and well your friends have accepted me so that is all the family I really need."

Alex takes another breath as she fixates on the rim of her glass and the dark wine that stirs about. "Maggie…are you certain you do not want kids?"

Maggie hesitates as she opens the fridge and Alex lifts her head some waiting for her answer. "I made it clear I didn't, why, I thought you said you didn't want kids either?"

Alex bowed her head as she took a big drink of her wine trying to steal courage from it…if only for a bit. She could not back down now…not when it counted. This was not just Maggie's future…it was also hers. If the two of them could not agree on a family…what did that say about their wedded bliss to be? Alex looks over her shoulder at her as she wears a sad smile.

"I-I well…honestly…I just went along with what you said. I went to see a little girl sing and it resonated with me deeply…and I just fell in love with what being a parent feels like. I wanted her to be my little girl…to cheer her on and record her song. I wanted to be the one to tuck her in at night and ward off the boogie man by checking under her bed or checking the closet. I want to stay up with him or her as they listen to me read to them. I want the whole experience Maggie…I want to be a mom."

Maggie sets the plate down as she goes to take a seat opposite of her. The two of them sit there in silence for a bit as the words just hang there. Maggie pours herself a glass of wine but doesn't drink it.

"I see…so…you lied to me then? Alex…I love you, I really do…but at the same time raising a family it…it just isn't for me. I can see others raising a family and being ok with it, and, I support that…but…nowhere in my future do I see myself changing diapers or doing any of what you said. This is not going to change…at all. Why did it take you so long-?"

"I'm sorry," Alex reaches across the table but Maggie withdraws her hand. "It was fine in the beginning, it really was…but…I somehow wound up suppressing these needs and want and after proposing and the wedding going along it kind of all fell into place. I never meant to hurt you…and…I was hoping that the two of us could work through this-."

"Right…and that meant lying to my face and waiting till we are near the home stretch of getting married!" Maggie's voice raises and Alex tries to stifle her tears…tries to keep it together.

"Isn't it better we handle this now than the actual wedding day? What if we had got married…I can only imagine the conversation then. I wanted to have this now…while I had the strength in me to say what I feel in my heart." Alex saw Maggie stand up and she paces about.

"Alright, so, you want a family…so…who is going to be the one to call off the wedding huh? After sending out invitations and getting things agreed on…this is our future Danvers…and you are throwing it all away! How did you think this was going to go down? Oh Alex about having kids yeah…change of heart, let us have a family together…something like that right?" Alex stands up and then she throws her glass as she yells.

"Don't make me out to be the bad guy Mags! I still love you…just…we both want two different things and it is conflicting my heart, my mind; it causes such ache that I don't know how to move forward. Babe you have to understand…"

"I understand plenty…and right now you are breaking my heart." She is crying and Alex rushes her fighting off her arms as they try and push her away.

"I don't want this to end…you…after all this you were my first love." Alex holds her close as her sobs wrack her body and Maggie reluctantly hugs her back. There was tension there but also some sort of finality in the way the two do not wish to part.

"I love you Danvers…and…you will always hold a special place in my heart. However…after this…it is safe to say there is no coming back from this for us. I can't be with someone who is where you are…just…not in the cards. This is goodbye." Maggie kisses her and Alex whimpers a bit remembering all of their kisses and the warmth their bodies spread under the sheets.

However something didn't quite sit well with her on those words. What did she mean by goodbye? What was going on here? She pulls from the kiss as she tries to make sense of all this. "Wait…what…I don't understand-."

Maggie slips out of her embrace as she runs a hand through her hair, her back was to her. "I've accepted a transfer, well, more like I requested a transfer out to Gotham. It seems they need a Detective out there as things are pretty dark, literally. I'm going to be working with a Gordon out there, kind of a big move and all. I-I was hoping that after the wedding you'd join me…start a new life there away from all the aliens and-."

"When were you going to tell me about this?" Alex stares at her incredulously, this was just, wow.

"I was going to tell you during our honeymoon…given I still have a little bit before the transfer is complete. Don't get me wrong National City has a special place in my heart, but, I feel like it is time to move on…for the both of us. However it is safe to say I'll be the only one going."

"Maggie…I mean…Gotham, it is so far away. This means we won't be seeing each other again…least not till I have a break-."

"I'd really wish you wouldn't, I mean, I can't stop you from going to Gotham but I think it is best if we don't see each other for a while." Maggie turns to face her and Alex feels her legs starting to go out on her.

"This is what you meant by goodbye…isn't it? What if we had wed and you brought it up…only for me to turn down the invitation to move my entire life to Gotham? My sister lives here, my friends, everything I know is here…I just can't leave all that to move all the way to Gotham."

Maggie wipes at her tears as she crosses the room and places a hand on her shoulder. "I would have canceled the transfer or the very least give it to someone else. I mean if I could…nothing is ever certain with last minute cancellations and all. The paperwork is quite big…let me tell you. However at some point you are right…conversation of family would have come out and the divorce alone would be messy."

"So what now?" Alex stares at her and feels the space between as the two of them stand at crossroads of sorts.

"I guess I will pack and make some calls. I am going to see about the transfer and see if I can go down earlier. It would seem much like that glass you threw…we are broken up." Maggie walks off to the bedroom and Alex falls to her knees as she holds her chest as an explosion of new tears race down her cheeks as once again she feels the pain.

* * *

Last Goodbye

Alex stood there as the taxi was being loaded with Maggie's things. The entire group was there to send her off. Hank hugs her and offers her some advice and Winn does his best not to break down, James is also there telling her about this guy in a bat costume…not sure what he is getting on about there. Kara gives her a hug as she is no doubt sad to see her go. It had been a few days or so since the two had exchanged heated words in the apartment.

Or had it been a week…honestly, hard to say at this point; all she felt was cold. Alex watches as the last of her stuff is piled in and everyone pulls away leaving the two of them face to face. Alex wanted very much for Maggie to stay…even if the two of them were no longer together it wasn't like Maggie had to up and go and leave. Maggie was a reliable Detective and had helped them on many of the cases they had while also helping to defend the city.

"So…this is it…can't say this as easy as I had planned in my head. Danvers you and I have been through a lot…and…you have also opened my heart from where it was closed off before. Things won't be the same without you in my life…bringing that hopeful optimism of yours."

"Yeah…and I have to say without your snoring it will be hard to get to sleep." Alex tries to smile through this but it is awfully hard on her.

"I could have sworn that was you, heh, anyway I have a long trip ahead of me. Oh and Alex…I do hope whoever she is…that she makes you happy, I mean it. You deserve to be happy and if she has a family I want you to look out for them as you said. You will make a fine mother."

The two of them kiss once more as they hold onto that warmth, that familiarity that would soon be gone. This was the end…this was their last goodbye. This time they were doing things right and as she pulls away she sniffles a bit letting that look linger a bit. Part of her did not want to let go…part of her wanted her to stay in her arms forever. People were worried when the cancellations were put in and Alex had noticed that Maggie had gotten several calls from her dad…to which she had not answered. National City would not be the same without her…nor would she.

"Maggie…you take care in Gotham. And this Gordon…I hope he knows what sort of person you are." She presses her head against her and the two of them stand there till the man in the taxi beeps his horn.

"I meant what I said, I will always love you Danvers. Well everyone…take care and keep safe in these troubling times." Maggie gets into the taxi and as the doors closes it resounds in her heart. The departure of Maggie Sawyer would forever leave an imprint in her heart and in her mind and as Kara places her hand on her shoulder she holds her head up high. Even if this was goodbye…some part of her still figured Maggie will come back one day…but in her heart of hearts she knew this not to be true. And as the taxi disappears into traffic she is still standing there…and with a reluctance she had fought, she removes her ring.

 **Authors note:** This is me saying goodbye to Sanvers. It'll be hard writing for these two after this but you never know. I've been meaning to write this for a bit and given the character Maggie kind of winds up in the Batman verse I decided to give a little throw in that general direction. Now far as what I stated above this is my interpretation of what may go down…again things may turn out differently. I know this was not easy to read through and if you did manage great. This was heavy and well…I hope your day goes well and who knows what pairings I may do next.


End file.
